adjusting

everytime i look in the mirror and see my belly getting bigger, I still cant believe that I'm actually pregnant...with a baby! seriously, EVERYTIME!

to tell the truth, I'm still adjusting with the fact that I am now a married woman....a wife!! living and doing mostly everything with a man I call my husband...

and now I'm going to be a mother..??

wait. when did I grow up?

sometimes. especially when hubs leaves me behind to go work somewhere far, or when I have my karaoke sessions with my gfs, or even when I go shopping with mom [especially when I go shopping with mom!] . I still fell like I'm still single. I mean like the teenager I once was. I sometimes forget that I am 25 and married.

but sometimes. when I go to bed. rubbing my growing belly. staring at the ceiling. reality hits me. I am going to have a little one soon. then my mind would get busy. and I would get worried.

could I be a good mother? [could I even be a mother at all-I dont feel that grown up yet!!] . would I know how to handle a baby? what if my baby gets sick? what would I do? would I panic? would I know what to do? how to do it? would I know how to teach my child? what to teach? how to be a good example? [looking at me now, I dont think I'm a good role model at all!]

then comes the more difficult Q's...

could I provide my child a good home? the best education? would I have enough money to support my child and give him/her the best of everything in life?

hmm.if only I could give my child half of what mom n dad had given me, I'd be thankful. [now I know and appreciate more every single thing mom n dad sacrificed for me]

and the after a while...I would think such ridiculous things..

would my child be accepted by his/her classmates or would my child be an outcast? would he be the obedient type like hubs or the rebellious type like me? where would he play? would he have friends? should I send him to music class? should I send him to tahfiz class? should I be garang like mom and dad? or would I be more soft and gentle. but then, would I be too gentle and I spoil my child?

then....tup...tup...tup... I would feel little A kicking.... ahhhh.... then I will smile and talk to little A for a bit and all the worries just go away...

I am going to be a mother.

I am scared.

tapi Alhamdulillah. saya bersyukur.

I guess being a parent is not easy huh? even with the baby inside me I'm already super worried.

Imagine what it will be like when little A is out?

I think I'll be the overprotective type. hmm.lets wait and see.

xoxo